During hard times, it’s easy to fall into mental traps that make us feel even worse. Psychologist Martin Seligman refers to a common set of thinking traps—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—as the “three P’s.”

Personalization suggests you, alone, are responsible for everything that has gone wrong. It tells you that you’re at fault for your father’s hospitalization because you didn’t make him exercise or that it’s all your fault for struggling with depression or anxiety.

Pervasiveness suggests your problem will spread, affecting all areas of your life. While our hardest moments often do impact many parts of our lives, one conversation where you don’t feel heard by a friend can lead to the conclusion that “no one cares about you.” One mistake at work when you were distracted by an upcoming doctor’s appointment expands into feeling like a failure who will never succeed again.

Permanence suggests the challenges you face will last forever. It can trick you into thinking that an unwanted breakup means you’ll be alone for the rest of your life or that the immediate acuteness of grief after the death of a loved one will never fade or feel less painful over time.

Together, these three P’s create a false but convincing story. Fortunately, decades of research show that recognizing and challenging the three P’s can help us navigate hardship and move toward healing.

Recognizing that life’s hardest events aren’t personal, pervasive, or permanent makes it easier to cope. Pushing back against the three P’s isn’t about denying that things are hard right now. Rather, they are about helping us understand that it’s not all your fault and it won’t always feel like this.