You are using an outdated browser.
For a better experience, please upgrade your browser here.

Follow us

Taking Back Joy After Loss or Trauma with Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant
2 minutes, 1 second
Tweet Share Email

The guilt we feel after loss or trauma can prevent us from enjoying the things we love. But when we give ourselves permission to do what we love, we allow ourselves to reclaim joy in our lives.

Show transcript

SHERYL: About four months after Dave died, I went to a bar mitzvah. And I was with childhood friends. And one of my friends, Brooke, took me onto the dance floor, and we were dancing. And for, like, a minute, it was just amazing. And then I literally burst into tears on the dance floor. At first I didn't know what was wrong. I thought I was missing Dave, but I had been missing Dave for months and this felt different. And then I realized, I had felt happy for one minute. And then I immediately felt so guilty that I felt any happiness, any joy, that I just crumbled.

Option B Taking Back Joy with Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant Authors of Option B

SHERYL: I told Adam the story about crying on the dance floor. And Adam said, of course you're not happy. It's been four months, you haven't done a single thing that would actually make you happy.

ADAM: So many people struggle with survivor's guilt. When we lose someone close to us, we find ourselves wondering, why wasn't it me? Why couldn't I have saved that person?

The guilt we feel after loss or trauma can prevent us from doing the things we love

ADAM: And I think this is such a natural reaction. And I think one of the ways that, that we deal with it is, we take back joy. For a lot of people this is about taking back the things that they loved before they lost a loved one, or a job. And sort of reclaiming and saying, look, I am gonna give myself permission to enjoy these small things. Because happiness is really the frequency of positive experiences, not the intensity.

Happiness is the frequency of positive experiences – not the intensity

SHERYL: Adam made another suggestion. He said, write down three moments of joy every night. Every night before I go to bed, I write down three moments of joy. And they can be really small. But what happens is that, because I'm noticing those three moments of joy, it makes the whole day more joyful.

Noticing moments of joy can make the whole day more joyful

SHERYL: I think anyone who's gone through trauma, knowing that it is okay to find joy is so important.

More Option B videos

The Importance of Resilience with Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant

Resilience is the strength and speed of our response to adversity. It’s a skillset we develop over the course of our lives, and there are concrete steps we can take to build resilience long before we face any kind of difficulty.

The Elephant in the Room: Talking About Loss and Hardship with Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant

We often have a hard time talking about adversity—but staying silent can make our loved ones feel even more isolated after loss or hardship. This video offers simple ways to speak with empathy and honesty when our friends are suffering.

Fight Permanence to Build Resillience with Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant

One way we build resilience is by fighting permanence, which is the belief that our grief or pain will last forever. Watch Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant explain how taking steps to remind ourselves that even the most painful feelings won’t always be so intense can help us find the strength to heal.

Self-Confidence and Self-Compassion with Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant

When you treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d show a friend, that’s self-compassion. When you believe in your abilities, that’s self-confidence. We can practice self-compassion and develop our self-confidence on a daily basis to build resilience.

How to Support Your Loved One with Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant

We’ve all heard of the Golden Rule: treat others how you want to be treated. But the way you want to be treated when facing adversity may be completely different from how others want to be treated. To truly support your loved ones, use the Platinum Rule instead: treat others how they want to be treated.

How to Find Meaning After Loss or Trauma with Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant

After loss or trauma, we all hope to bounce back. Some of us manage to bounce forward. Learn how helping others gives our suffering meaning, allowing us to grow from the most difficult experiences of our lives.

We're here to help you navigate loss and hardship and support your loved ones.

Join our community of Facebook


Follow us on Instagram

Start by telling us what you’re here for

1
2

Which of these is most relevant to the challenges you're facing?

Which of these is most relevant to the challenges they're facing?